Kassie’s Birth Story

All I can do is laugh because 1st of all this girl came a whole 6 days late when I was convinced she was gonna come early.

I tried EVERYTHING to get her out but it was a no from Kassie, she had to come fashionably late and a Scorpio.

What’s really weird is that our 1st scan that showed she was a sticky one they estimated 5th Nov based on my LMP and on our 12w scan they said nope she’s a whole week ahead because of measurements when really she was just a fatty.

Anyways back to the birth story.

As most of you know I wanted a homebirth.

I am super proud tbh because I did get my homebirth experience plus a transfer to the hospital which ended up in an emergency c section lol.

So we went for a Nando’s just the 3 of us and when I got home my waters started leaking I literally screamed in happiness knowing things are finally starting so my contractions started at 6pm they were alright as I was kinda use to them as had been having them for about 2 weeks prior, my Mum decided to come and collect Ethan as she said this baby is coming today.

We were quiet calm listening to my birth playlist, I was cleaning the house lol typical me, tried to watch some TV but couldn’t really concentrate as things were picking up.

The contractions started getting close together about every 3-5mins so we called our Midwife’s round they done all the checks on the baby’s heart rate and my blood pressure everything seemed perfect, so they left me too it as I was coping well and didn’t want to do an examination so it made me focus on how many cm I was, they decided to tell me to try get some sleep and they will come back in the morning.

After they left James set up the living room for me to try lie down and I was like this is the real thing I know I ain’t gonna be able to sleep but I tried anyways but instead once the Midwife’s left and it was just me and James things got kinda real intense in about an hr they contractions were lasting about a min long and weren’t talking as much just preparing for the next one to come, so we called the Midwife’s back they done an examination and I was 5cm so they decided they were going to stay with me till this baby arrived, I was just glad I was finally gonna have this baby.

So I laboured at home it was amazing the atmosphere was perfect, I was calm and felt safe and In control with my breathing, I tried many different positions, I was in the bath, sat on the toilet, but I couldn’t shift the insane back ache I was getting so for the last hour at home I was on the gas and air which made me feel dizzy and light headed to I had to try something, The Midwife’s had to keep applying pressure where we later find out her head was pushing.

Fast forward 4hr and a half from after the Midwife’s arrive we did another examination to find out I was only 6cm.

That was it for me I demanded I wanted to go to the hospital they suggested to break my waters and see how things play out I was like nope hospital lol, I got dressed as fast as I could before the next contractions was gonna take place as I could feel her head shifting around trying to find a good position but she kept getting locked up in my back.

Ambulance arrive in like 5mins and we were at the hospital in like 3mins we arrived at 6am.

As soon as we got to the room I BEGGED the doctors for a c section as I didn’t wanna be playing games to end up in a c section later but he refused and said both me and the baby are healthy so their was no need but I should try the epidural and see how things go once I can’t feel the pain anymore.

OMG the most beautiful thing EVER all my back pain was gone in a blink, I could talk & smile again, I was able to sleep a bit, still had them dam shakes lol can’t have it all.

They done an examination I was 8cm then 9cm by 10am I was in shock thinking omg I might actually having this baby normally I only have 1 more cm to go.

The doctors come back and do another examination and say the baby is posterior position so her face was up and her back was on my back hence why the intensity in my back during the contractions, so all the docs had a chat and come back in the room and say we feel it’s best for you to have a c section as we feel the baby MAY go into stress.

My Midwife’s were supportive of me trying to wait it out and push but doctors orders aye.

I said to them why didn’t you just give me the c section when I came in asking for it? The woman replied we’re not mystic meg lol I said well I must have been because I knew I’d end up in theatre would have been lovely to have this baby 6hrs ago.

I’m crying because I’m mad and this c section is kinda unnecessary but hey ho I sign the papers and off we go.

I’m in theatre now James is by my side I’m just waiting to hear this baby cry when she arrives.

The surgeons are doing their thing you can hear them say the previous c section scar is super thick and they have to keep cutting so I was never at risk of a rupture because my last scar had healed over very strong and well, so it’s taking a bit of time, I’m thinking rahhh what’s taking them so long I feel one massive push and a tug my breathe is literally taken away and everyone is saying congratulations you have one really big baby how did you hide her in there, then we hear her CRY omg I will never forget that sound! The most beautiful sound, the moment your waiting for the whole pregnancy.

My Midwife’s were present the whole time and knew I still wanted delayed cord clamping so they done that for me and I can still hear her cry and that’s all I’m focusing on, they ask James to cut her cord and then they bring her straight over to me as soon as they put her on me she stopped crying OMG I just died inside by how perfect she was even with her cone head lol.

In the recovery ward I got to have that skin to skin I’ve always dreamed of it was the most warm and empowered I’d ever felt, and I got to see my placenta, all part of the plan. We finally had our baby safe and sound where her big brother saw her not long after.

It was perfect the whole experience my labour was perfect my partner James was perfect our family of 4 just perfect.

Kassie Aminata Mary Granger

Born 5th November 2018

Time: 12:04

Weight: 8lbs 4

Adama xx

VBAC OR REPEAT C SECTION

I’m nervous, obviously super excited I’m gonna meet my little princess soon but I’ve gotta think about labour, everything is unpredictable you don’t know what your gonna get that the whole surprise of birth

Previous labour and birth, felt like a complete shambles tbh, long story short had preeclampsia, dangerous high blood pressure levels that nearly had my life, Ethan was born via emergency c section and rushed to resuscitation didn’t see my baby until 12hrs later, NICU, 7 Days hospital stay. Pretty Shit and traumatic, so looking to avoid a story similar to this one

Another c section is not ideal for me mentally and I’m ready for that but if it’s to save both mine and baby’s life, I’d do it again in a blink, plus the hospital is 3mins away from my house which is also a bonus

VBAC (Vagina Birth After Caesarian)

So in my heart and mind I want a VBAC I am going to try my hardest for a VBAC, I believe in myself and my body and baby that we’ve got this and we will achieve that VBAC

Some people may think I’m crazy but I want to feel that ring of fire feeling, I want to feel those powerful surges that will help my baby into this world, I want to cry, breathe and labour and feel all the emotions that’s gonna test me when my time comes, I want to feel empowered.

I’ve come to a point where I want to have a Home Birth, I am so terrified of going to the hospital I associate myself with everything going wrong the moment I enter and I might as well line up and prepare for a c section because that’s what’s gonna be “best” for me and my baby, the level of anxiety is unexplainable that I will have no control that’s what I’m most scared of.

I had an appointment with the obstetrician, I left the appointment pretty sad and demotivated that It would be unlikely I’d get the kinda labour I’d like in hospital as I’d like to be as active as possible not be constantly monitored laying on the bed and on a drip as soon as I arrive as I’m a high risk pregnancy, and he was so optimistic about a repeat c section as “avoids pains of labour” I’ll attach the note so you could see for yourself

I have done non stop reading, watching videos educating myself on the pros and cons of VBAC, I agree the safest place for me to birth my child is the hospital due to my previous pregnancy, but if I can make it to term and my baby girl is a healthy weight and I don’t have preeclampsia again or blood pressure issues I don’t see why not stay calm at home where I feel safe and trust my Midwife’s, my partner and most importantly myself

At the beginning of my pregnancy I was so scared, I was ready to just accept an elective c section as I was positive my pregnancy would be the same as before and I would develop preeclampsia again or something would go wrong but every urine sample, blood test, blood pressure readings, scans and baby girls active movements is showing this is a very different pregnancy a surprisingly healthy one, this is what gave me hope

Don’t get me wrong I know when something ain’t right as I knew with Ethan but Midwife’s and nurses didn’t listen to me until it was nearly too late, but me and Ethan defied the odds and both overcome a traumatic birth. So I know when hospital would be the best place for me

I’ve done a bit of a birth plan with the midwife already but will have an update at my 36 week final Scan and my meeting with a woman who is the main lady to talk to about VBAC’s and what my main action plan would look like

Any other Mums tried for a VBAC any tips or links or websites I should have a look at or even VBAC birth stories I’d love to have a read.

Adama x

Bumpdate 14w5d 05MAY18

I’ve been keeping a bit of a journal of how I’ve been feeling throughout the pregnancy, I’ll probably only share a few, but this is what goes on in my mind *Trigger Warning Guys*

Gender disappointment

It’s a real feeling! It’s a real thing!

Especially as a mum who has suffered with pnd for a long time and still struggle day to day but receiving the best help this time round

It’s not to say I don’t want my baby

Or will be depressed again if I find out I have a boy

But I’m not ashamed to say I’ll feel gutted but I always remember their are so many positive reasons to having another boy and I repeated it to myself daily and always speak to James about how I’m feeling

But people need to understand everyone goes through things differently and suffer in ways not everyone will understand or even sees at times because we are masters at disguise when we don’t want to look bad in other people’s eyes

I went through I very traumatic event with my pregnancy/birth with Ethan and the 1st few years of raising him with severe PTSD and PND that has scarred me for life about having another boy so soon after Ethan

I am super greatful for this amazing rainbow baby growing inside me and I am the happiest girl alive for being able to carry a life again something I’ve longed for

Of course all I care about is a healthy baby at the end of this beautiful journey

But you can’t help but compare previous pregnancy’s and notice so many differences that just gives you tell tale signs for what I can feel my baby gender would be (Plus my Mum saying it’s a girl she’s never wrong about these things lol)

I’ve had a lot of anxiety since the beginning of this pregnancy due to falling pregnant so soon after the ectopic pregnancy in December 2017

That ectopic pregnancy killed me emotional and mentally!

I’ve never cried so hard in my life

I will never forget those days and the pain but always remembering I’m the lucky one at the end of that unfortunate situation

Everything has been smooth sailing so far, I’ve had multiple scans and I only wish and pray it continues this way without any complications

We find out on the 19th May officially This is the 1st time I’ve paid for the extra dating scan rather than wait till 22w as the feeling eats me everyday day, anxiety them annoying repetitive thoughts daily are a killer

The great thing is I have amazing friends and family that understand how I am feeling and I am able to talk about it freely without feeling judged or being told constantly your gonna have a boy because your wishing to hard for a girl or that it’s a blessing regardless.

Hence why I have been very quiet on social media about this pregnancy as I’d love to relax and know how I am feeling and fully prepare myself for either my girl or boy mentally

As it’s a real feeling sometimes you just need time to come to terms with things

At the end of the day I am great full I’m having a baby with my partner for life who I love dearly and forever great full we planned and succeeded in this beautiful journey

This baby is already very much loved by both of our family and that already is the best feeling ever and the most important knowing I’m in London with unlimited support

I’m so close to my mum now and to James family who literally make Ethan and I feel part of the fam from day 1, I couldn’t wish for anything better

So just be mindful before you judge someone on when they choose to share their pregnancy or on how they feel when they find out the gender and you don’t get the vibe that they are happy

Because at the end of the day we love our kids regardless

My baby was made for me

I created life to my sweet rainbow child.

Adama xx

Sleep Therapy

As most of you know I’ve been having an issue with Ethan and his sleeping

Well I was really happy to find out we was going to get some sleep therapy!

We had our 1st appointment a couple of weeks ago in Feb

Well….

It didn’t go as well as I’d like and completely felt like it was a waste of my time as I wasn’t taken seriously and she played on the fact that I had depression.

She’s a health visitor of the sleep clinic

Well 1st of I brought Ethan with me as I thought that’s what you’d need to do as I thought you would be accessing him well I was wrong.

The woman asked how old is Ethan I say 3 and a bit, she said you should have sorted this out before he turned 1. Why has it taken you so long to see us? I looked at her like are you serious I’ve been complaining back and forth to the GP about my son for 2 years only now I’m being referred.

This should have been a red light that things were only going to get worst lol

She has a list of questions to ask, you know the usual, his routine, his diet and health

I answered all the questions explained what’s been going on, how he is always sick, has recurring ear infections (which I think is the real cause of the problem) but I’ll fill you in on that another time. He wakes up at least 3, 4 times in the night either crying, screaming, playing or laughing for hours on end.

This was her advice:

•Buy earplugs, yep that will fix it all 80% of the mums that she helps use earplugs now their kids sleep through the night, yeah right

•Ignore him – I had to remind her my kid has had seizures in the past and loves to vomit in his bed, so if I block my ears and ignore this and a bad outcome happens who’s fault is it?

•Set strict rules and stick to them, like I don’t do this already assuming I don’t know how to raise my child

•Be firm at bedtime and don’t keep going in the room, this woman really didn’t take the time to understand what type of mum I am I do all of the above minus the earplugs for obvious reasons.

•She also told me to say to Ethan every night “you need to go to bed for me tonight as mummy is very sick and needs to sleep too” word for word!

She asked me on a serious note and I going through domestic violence, I can tell her if I am, she asked me like 3 times whilst getting closer to me each time she asked, I was think shit does my face look mashup and No was the answer 3 times.

She said I don’t think you are hear for Ethan I think you are here for yourself.

Like I know about being sleep deprived it’s all I know.

I was confused, like is this woman serious!

she asked about my metal well being I was honest about how bad I was in the past and how I am much better and don’t feel I need help anymore and she said the reason Ethan is not sleeping through the night is because he is feeding from my energy and he senses that I am weak and that I need help and vulnerable she instantly made me feel small and like I wasn’t good enough for Ethan and made all them little negative thoughts or voices in my head say maybe she’s right!

I fully cried, why pray on the weak or trigger me to go back to somewhere in my life I felt I had overcome.

She said she’s going to contact my doctors as I need to be back on antidepressants until I’m fully better I couldn’t believe what I was being said to me as if I couldn’t function without them.

BTW went to see my doctor and my doctor advised I just need therapy to get everything off my chest and all that lingering trauma out of my mind, just on the NHS waiting list again will be waiting forever lol.

The health visitor also said why don’t you sleep during the times Ethan is in nursery? I bet your on social media 24, 7. At the time I was having my break off all social media to focus on myself and Ethan I let it slide as I know me and she doesn’t

The last thing that made me think this woman is just rude is you son is severely speech delayed had you done anything to help him because when he starts school he is going to be behind and feel so left out if you don’t fix the problem now. I said YES my son has been to speech therapy it’s still on going and I believe my son needs Grommets and most of all my issues with him will be fixed will keep you guys updated because NHS is a long wait

Overall this woman was rude and categorised me into a group rather then really understand Ethan’s needs.

I left this place thinking what did I just walk into, A TRAP! I felt down and useless for the whole day I ranted on the phone to my friends and my partner and just had to remind myself this woman don’t know me and had no right to assume everything she did, but I need to pick myself up and start again

I will get to the bottom of it all it’s just gonna take a bit of time.

Let me know if you or anyone you know has been through what I am currently experiencing with my son would love some support and advice.

Adama x

Housing

So I left Coventry once I had my son to come back to London, living at my Mums house with a newborn simply wasn’t practical.

I went to my local Council’s homeless unit waited for hours to discuss my case and the next steps I had to take to get placed into a temporary accommodation.

I had to go through so many phone calls and questions to set up a bidding number in order to bid and successfully move into a permanent 2 bedroom property and apply for all the necessary benefits that applied to me. I also had to ask my Mum to write me up a homeless letter explaining her place a simply to small to accommodate for Me and a newborn.

I had my final interview where I gave them all my paperwork of proof I was eligible to benefits, bank statements and ID (UNTOLD AMOUNT OF PAPERWORK) and the letter that my Mum had handwritten, as I was in the room they called my Mum in front of me to make sure I hadn’t been fraudulent, it was all a very long process which took about 7Hrs.

I got the Keys for the start of a very long journey! I had my temporary accommodation a little bed sit in Forest Hill not to far from my Mum, so it will have to do. It was tiny, but we finally had a roof over our heads and I could adapt to living in London again, we stayed here for 4 Months.

I get the call that I am moving, I was so happy and excited to only find out it’s another temporary accommodation (Short term tenancy) but this one was much better. I lived even closer to my Mum 10mins walk away and it was a 1 bedroom flat, it was lovely for me and a 6 Month old.

We settled in well, I made my temp really homely as I had the space and all the furniture from my old home. My son was 9 Months old when I decided I would like to go back to work part time, lasted 6 Months as my son was ill frequently ‘I was a liability’ it’s when I realised retail sector is not for me but the rent was affordable as housing benefits paid 70% and I paid the remaining 30% which was very affordable

During my time working at my apprentice role in real estate this is when all my problems arised with rent arrears. With this role I was working full time meaning you have to pay 70% of the rent at this point I didn’t know as it takes a little while for housing benefits to calculate how much to pay so I continued to pay 30% after 4 months passed I have a lovely letter come through the door of rent arrears of over £3000 I nearly died.

Once everything was explained over the phone and all the breakdown, that’s when I realised I made a mistake going back to work, I worked in this role for 6 months, my depression was at its peak at this point guess that didn’t help either. That was it I gave up everything, I refused to pay that arrears why did I work to try better myself and Ethan when the rent in temporary accommodation is £211 a week.

Nope, I had to leave my dream job and just wait like everyone else in temporary accommodation till you get a permanent offer believe it or not when you don’t work they pay for EVERYTHING! EVERY PENNY OF RENT. So I stopped and universal credit deducts money from me every month to clear the arrears, how does that make any sense?

Either way I wrote a letter to my local MP I’ve attached it to my images if you want to read as the flat I was living in was trying to evict me! Crazy right? Sorry for working and being unaware of how much rent I’d actually be paying. She managed to get them to let me stay in the property and continue bidding as long as I made monthly payments to bring arrears down as I was labelled down as homeless and their job is to help people in situations as me.

Well nearly 2 years down the line now still not working even though I am dying to get back into work as this stay at home mum life living with PTSD and PND has been hard work but I’ve improved majorly, still clearing rent arrears monthly of an affordable £63 a month but recently got my permanent!!!

That right I’m moving to my permanent 2 bedroom flat, it only took 3 years lol

I started bidding when Ethan was 3 months old he is now 3 months 4 months.

I’m super excited to finally have all the space I need I no longer need to convert my living to a bedroom lol

Adama x

Boldilocks

Their are many reasons to why I cut my hair most people wouldn’t be able to do this, lucky I got a pea head lol
New hair, New alter ego, can’t wait to see what kind of spice I’ll be for this year
I’m someone who lives on impulse I’ll just do something if I really want too, I never hold back or regret any of my moves
At least I don’t need to worry about what hair style I’m gonna do every 2 weeks and washing and looking after my hair will be a breeze, I love making my life as simple as possible
I’m gonna have to learn how to upgrade my makeup skills to help this small head of mine stand out lol
The main reason is to start a sort of feeling of new growth a fresh start as already 2018 has started a bit bumpy, but nothing I can’t handle
Lost our baby at the very beginning of the year but I’m grateful because I’m still intact after an unexpected ectopic
My son is going on a mad one, I feel I’m going crazy slowly but I’ve been on doctors, health visitors case and finally getting test done and been referred to a sleep clinic
I’ve started a vegan lifestyle to test the waters, I’ll most probably end up vegetarian but I’ll avoid meat just for the reasons of my health
Playing around with yoga and exercise from home, plus I’m addicted to the health app on iPhone just to track how much I walk, I may not go gym but I’ll walk my life away and feel great
This year I’d love to move to home out of this temporary accommodation, it’s to small now and I desperately want to decorate
I’m currently looking for work even though Ethan still don’t sleep and I’m mega sleep deprived, I need a little extra in life a work social life to take the edge away from the fact my kid still don’t sleep through the night and he is THREE
Planning to drive and pass before my 26th birthday by Gods grace
And hopefully grow a little bubba in the right place next time and end up with 6 kids lol
Obviously most importantly GROW and get all the things I want, everyday is a fresh start and if I put my mind to it I’ll achieve everything I ever wanted.

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments and compliments, I certainly feel confident and beautiful and don’t feel so much like a little boy anymore lol

I know it’s been I while since I last posted I’ll try to at least post once a month if life gives me a break every now and again haha

Adama x

Did someone say baby number 2

I’ve pretty much always been broody for as long as I could remember, I absolutely love babies especially newborns and when they get to that cute chubby grown into their face stage.

I was unsure of posting, but it’s a massive life event I’d like to talk about…

Me and my partner have decided we would like to try for a baby, this is music to my ears as I’d love to have a little sibling for our son. Plus I wonder what beautiful creation we would make. This is the most amazing feeling knowing I’m planning for a baby I feel ready for and my partner feels exactly the same.

This is not as easy as I thought it would be, I stopped using the Depo Vera injection contraception in Dec 16 after this my periods were absent for 7 Months, these months practically killed me mentally and emotionally, I thought about it every day of my life till the day it came back Aug 17 (best day of my life screaming/crying in the toilets of Odeon cinema in hysterics before watching Girls Trip).

I’m basically the girl that used 100 pregnancy tests in 7 Months haha, I honestly thought I was pregnant every single month without fail, I had the nausea, extreme bloating, name any other pregnancy symptoms, I had it all. I felt really sorry for my partner as I’d take him on the horrible rollercoaster of feelings and being disappointed, confused and sad when there was still no sign of anything.

But I always looked at it in a positive manner, meaning now is not the time, I didn’t let the disappointment consume me, I’ve got plenty of time and these things take time. 

The GP did a scan and blood tests every seemed normal basically nothing was wrong with me, I just had to play the waiting game till it came back on it’s own naturally, you name it supplement wise, I took it I finished the bottle nothing worked, I felt like I was broken and never gonna have another baby, my mind drove me crazy.

I believe it was down to stress, my diet and my mental state as my hormones were just all over the place, I was really feeling the depression and anxiety these times, didn’t want to see anyone, speak to anyone, just stay by myself or with family and figure out what the hell was wrong with me. I literally gave up, why is it when you give up what ever you wanted works out hahaha, just my luck. I am going to stay positive, keep up at the workouts, drinking water like my life depends on it and basically give up eating out and take away (I’ll save some pennies too).

Now that my period is back, it’s back with a vengeance, heaviest flow of my life, so I’m currently trying to manage it, I seem to have some sort of cycle now to follow as I’ve had 3 months of a good record, so downloaded a few apps to help track my ovulation and let me know the deal. Going to get prenatal supplements for both me & my partner and fingers crossed from here on out.

Adama x

Accomplishments but the ride goes on

So I’ve had to have a break as Life was just getting too much as it usually does, but the break was just what I needed to find me again.

Sometimes I get to a point where everything I’m doing or going through feels pointless or for nothing but I believe in the saying, everything happens for a reason, no one said this was going to be easy.

I have control of so many situations which were a total mess, emotionally, physically and mentally draining. Just when I feel everything in my life and world is going smoothly the World chucks in a couple more problems to solve, I guess that’s the way life goes.

Just gonna list a few of my accomplishments 

* Consolidated ALL my debts finally at the age of 25 it’s never too late to sort your life out, this is something I would ignore or run away from each month, I would always dread to open a letter or get untold calls of all the bills I just couldn’t simply afford. Now all my payments come out, it’s actually affordable and I know each month my debt is getting smaller.

* Building up my credit score best believe I was on double digits in the 60’s at the beginning of the year very poor ratings, now currently in the 190’s which is still in the very poor category but this is massive for me, one step closer to a mortgage one day or loan for a wedding haha got to keep dreaming.

* Built an amazing bond with my son since I stopped working, we spend so much time together. I found time to focus on us, listen to all his needs and wants and meet them together, all those horrible thoughts and feelings of neglecting him are gone, so pleased I conquered that one, was beginning to think I weren’t human or fit to be a Mum

* Battled with my anxiety and those voices that kept telling me my son is going to have a seizure, I don’t have them anymore thank God, mediation was key for this and walking long walks near enough everyday. I basically trained my mind to stop with all the negativity and worry and when I feel a difficult situation arising STOP, BREATH, THINK.

* My physical appearance, recently finding out about my weight being 13st and BMI obese, I wasn’t to happy and made some small changes which have helped like cutting out/down fizzy drinks, take aways, biscuits because I’ll eat half a packet and bread don’t get me started on bread, I swear I have an addiction. I’ve drank water everyday without fail, definitely eating cleaner and including exercise into my life, I’m seeing small changes but that’s enough to make me happy.

* Pretty much given up smoking cigarettes, best believe I was smoking 20 a day easy how the hell did I afford it I don’t know, makes me sick thinking I went through that much or more daily because I simply couldn’t cope. To be honest I made myself a little promise when my periods disappeared if it came back I’d stop, because having another baby is nothing I’d want more. I have the occasional one here and there but I’m glad those days of probably stinking like an ashtray are gone.

I’m preparing myself for my future when I see where I was last year, I am proud to know that I struggled and I’m on the other side. It was me who noticed all my problems and found a way to battle them one by one at my own pace, so when I realise life is about to get hard again I need to remember I’m gonna pull through on the other side because I always do.

Adama x

Body~Love~Journey

I was a mess about 3 years ago once my son was born.
My weight was like a Yoyo, I couldn’t control my eating. I was a UK Size 8 Pre birth and currently Size 12, between that time I struggled with my eating and turned to comfort eating to hide the fact that I was overwhelmed by becoming a Mother and that I was in a unhappy relationship, at the time I didn’t think nothing of it as I was generally unhappy but in reality I had gained a lot of weight to the point I was Size 16. I didn’t take too many full body photos at this time, just baby spam hahaha.
After the relationship ended I decided that enough was enough and I needed to do something about my weight, signed up to gym countless times only going like once and ending the membership, guessing gym was not the answer.
So I danced! I danced my life away, my best friend basically sister joined me as we lived together at this point. This was my exercise, and I loved it, seriously loved it I was dancing ever evening everyday, because I wanted to, didn’t feel like I had to do it, but I guess the novelty wore off. I feel I have some me time so I guess I could pick it up again, but I would love to be able to meditate again and practice all my Yoga stretches again.
I need the motivation to love and find my hobbies again, so I can fully use my mind and be occupied with routine in my life that allows me to have a healthy mind.
Another issue was that I lost my appetite and have a unbalanced diet.
At the beginning of the break up, I would go days just drinking a litre of water and eating bread or just eating one meal a day, just an overall general bad diet.
Luckily my best friend was able to help with the cooking and make sure the little bug had eaten and been cleaned up and tried to make me eat and made pre made meals, this helped ALOT.
I still struggle with this problem to this day but I literally just about have breakfast and have a dinner, I don’t understand why I can’t eat when my son eats as I am really good with feeding him as he tells me he is hungry 24 7, but I just forget about myself.
I had kinda just neglected my body, to the point where my body stopped functioning right hormonally, I had Amenorrhea (Missing menstrual cycles) for 7 months, I weren’t pregnant, I didn’t have any complications with my ovaries, they couldn’t find nothing really wrong with me or to why it happened, as this has never happened to me before but this did scare me, I was constantly worrying that I’d never be able to have another baby, thank God that scare is over, I can’t really say what I did to bring them back as I took supplements ate all sorts to apparently bring back my cycle, nope I gave up and just let my body take the path it needed too.
The key is to try, I still haven’t got the hang of it all and I don’t expect to be healthy over night but I do see progression in little steps.

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Date Night

It easy to fall into the trap of I have a kid so I can’t go out kinda lifestyle and all your days out consists of making sure your eyes are constantly on you child so they don’t lick the windows on the bus or run out onto the road.

Sometimes you just need a break from all that, I can tell when I’m due for a break as I start to get irritable angry and guilty with the little bug and can’t stand the constant moaning and tantrums, I bicker with my partner for no reason, no fault of his own after he has been work all day and I’ve had a little human all day, I’m just over all grumpy, cranky and can’t cope.

I do try and plan a date night once a month, sometimes they fall through other time we can’t get a babysitter or the little bug is too poorly and I don’t wanna bring him around my friends children so they catch his illness too and trust me he is ill every 2 weeks near enough so It’s quiet hard to plan ahead of time so most of our dates are spontaneous spare of the moment dates.

When our dates do fall through it is absolutely amazing!

Getting a break from the little bug knowing that he is enjoying himself as much as me makes me happy instead of him having a grumpy Mummy.

I get to spend quality time with the other half and actually laugh again and talk about us and adult talk not all talk babies and how hard both of our day have been, just normal chit chat and jokes.

We always try to do some random activities as I guess our clubbing days and drinking ourselves reckless days are over for now haha

After these dates all the negative vibes are gone and we are so much nicer to each other and it’s just nice feeling that feeling of why you love them again.

When the little bug is gone for a sleepover, those nights sleeps have been the best sleeps of my life, I feel regenerated and alive again as most of the time I’m running on nothing because I’m sleep deprived.

That cranky grumpy constantly bickering Adama is gone, I am more smiles and can handle my stress a lot better and I am not irritable I can cope again.

What I’m trying to say is basically make time for you and your partner to spend some alone time together even if you don’t go out and you stay indoors and chill make them cute funny moments and memories.

You and your partner are in this together, teamwork makes the dream work hahaha

If your stress and anxiety levels are high you will take it out on the ones you love even if you don’t mean too.

If your a happy Mummy everything in the house and world around you runs smoothly

Team work

Twinning Pink

Dance the night away

Views

Afro

Where ever we are we’re smiling

Sky Garden

Our First Date Date

Iceskating

Twinning

Ibiza take me back

Crazy golf

Day time drinks

Adama x