So I’ve had to have a break as Life was just getting too much as it usually does, but the break was just what I needed to find me again.
Sometimes I get to a point where everything I’m doing or going through feels pointless or for nothing but I believe in the saying, everything happens for a reason, no one said this was going to be easy.
I have control of so many situations which were a total mess, emotionally, physically and mentally draining. Just when I feel everything in my life and world is going smoothly the World chucks in a couple more problems to solve, I guess that’s the way life goes.
Just gonna list a few of my accomplishments
* Consolidated ALL my debts finally at the age of 25 it’s never too late to sort your life out, this is something I would ignore or run away from each month, I would always dread to open a letter or get untold calls of all the bills I just couldn’t simply afford. Now all my payments come out, it’s actually affordable and I know each month my debt is getting smaller.
* Building up my credit score best believe I was on double digits in the 60’s at the beginning of the year very poor ratings, now currently in the 190’s which is still in the very poor category but this is massive for me, one step closer to a mortgage one day or loan for a wedding haha got to keep dreaming.
* Built an amazing bond with my son since I stopped working, we spend so much time together. I found time to focus on us, listen to all his needs and wants and meet them together, all those horrible thoughts and feelings of neglecting him are gone, so pleased I conquered that one, was beginning to think I weren’t human or fit to be a Mum
* Battled with my anxiety and those voices that kept telling me my son is going to have a seizure, I don’t have them anymore thank God, mediation was key for this and walking long walks near enough everyday. I basically trained my mind to stop with all the negativity and worry and when I feel a difficult situation arising STOP, BREATH, THINK.
* My physical appearance, recently finding out about my weight being 13st and BMI obese, I wasn’t to happy and made some small changes which have helped like cutting out/down fizzy drinks, take aways, biscuits because I’ll eat half a packet and bread don’t get me started on bread, I swear I have an addiction. I’ve drank water everyday without fail, definitely eating cleaner and including exercise into my life, I’m seeing small changes but that’s enough to make me happy.
* Pretty much given up smoking cigarettes, best believe I was smoking 20 a day easy how the hell did I afford it I don’t know, makes me sick thinking I went through that much or more daily because I simply couldn’t cope. To be honest I made myself a little promise when my periods disappeared if it came back I’d stop, because having another baby is nothing I’d want more. I have the occasional one here and there but I’m glad those days of probably stinking like an ashtray are gone.
I’m preparing myself for my future when I see where I was last year, I am proud to know that I struggled and I’m on the other side. It was me who noticed all my problems and found a way to battle them one by one at my own pace, so when I realise life is about to get hard again I need to remember I’m gonna pull through on the other side because I always do.
Adama x
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